The Man Who Did Not Go to Heaven on Tuesday | |
Author | Ellis Parker Butler |
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Published |
1913
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Language | English |
Nationality | American |
Genre | Adventure, Children's Literature |
1913 Short Story
The Man Who Did Not Go to Heaven on Tuesday
The Man Who Did Not Go to Heaven on Tuesday is an English Adventure, Children's Literature short story by American writer Ellis Parker Butler. It was first published in 1913. The Man Who Did Not Go to Heaven on Tuesday was published in The Century Magazine, July, 1913.
The Man Who Did Not Go to Heaven on Tuesday
by Ellis Parker Butler
UNCLE NOAH PRUTT, sitting in the front row of seats, leaned forward and put his hand behind his ear, vainly seeking to hear what his wife was saying to Judge Murphy. From time to time he stood up, trying to hear the better, but each time the lanky policeman pushed him back into his seat.
Judge, yer Honor, said the policeman, after the fifth time, this man here has nawthin t do with th case, an hes disthurbin th coort. Shall I thrun him out?
Let him be, Flaherty, let him be! said the justice, carelessly, and at the words Uncle Noah arose and came forward to the black walnut bar that separated the raised platform of the justice from the rest of the room.
Ah pleads not guilty, Judge! said Uncle Noah, laying one trembling hand on the rail and pushing forward his ear with the other. He was a coal black Negro, with close-kinked white hair that looked like a white wig. His nose was large and flattened against his face, and his eyeballs were streaked with brown veins that gave him a dissipated look. He was the type of Negro that, at fifty, claims eighty years of age, and, so judged, Uncle Noah Prutt might have been anywhere between sixty and one hundred and ten. As he stood at the bar his black face bore a look of the most deeply pained resentment, and his thick lower lip protruded loosely as a sign of woe.
Sit down! shouted both the justice of the peace and the policeman, and, with his lip hanging still lower, Uncle Noah backed into his seat. He sat as far forward as he could, and leaned his head still farther forward.
Who is that man? asked the justice of no one in particular.
Him? Hes mah husban, said the young colored woman, with a slight up-tilt of her nose. Yo don need to pay no tention to him at all, Jedge. Ah ain ask him to come yere. He ain yere in no capacity but audjeence, he ain.
He has no connection with this case? asked the justice.
No, sah! said the young woman, decidedly.
If he makes any more trouble, Flaherty, said the justice, put him out of the court. Now, what is this trouble, Sally?
The young woman standing against the bar was fit to be classed as a beauty. Well-formed, with a rich yellow skin through which the blood glowed in her cheeks, with masses of black hair and her head carried high, she was superb, even in her cheap print wrapper. Even the fact that her feet were hideous in a pair of broken and run-down shoes of the sort worn by men did not impair her general appearance of an injured brown Venus seeking justice, and when she glanced at the prisoner her bosom heaved with anger and her brown eyes glowed dangerously.
The prisoner sat humped down in a chair in an attitude of the most profound dejection. He was of a darker brown than the woman, and so loose of joint that when he moved he flopped. His feet were so large as to be almost grotesque, and he was so thin that the bones of his shoulders were outlined by his light coat. But as he sat in the prisoners seat his face was the most noticeable feature. It was thin and long for a Negro, but with such high and prominent cheek-bones that his eyes seemed hidden in deep caves, and the eyes were like those of a dog that knows he is to be beaten. His wide mouth hung far down at the corners. He was a picture of the utterly crushed, the utterly helpless, the utterly hopeless. He was the shiftless Negro, with the last ray of hope extinguished. He had but one thing to look forward to, and that was the worst. As the justice asked Sally the question the prisoners mouth sagged a bit farther at the ends, and his eyes took a still sadder dullness.
[Pg 341]
Yo ain miss it none when yo asks whut am dis trouble, Jedge, said Sally, angrily. Dis yere ain nuttin but trouble, an I gwine ask yo to send dis yere Silas to jail forebber an ebber. Yassah! An den he ain gwine be in jail long enough to suit me. An Ah gwine ask yo to declare damages aginst him, fo huhtin mah feelins, an fo tryin to drown me, an fo abductin me away from dat poor ol no-count Noah whut am mah husban, an fo alieamatin mah affections, ony he couldnt. When Ah whack him awn de head wid dat bed-slat
Now, one minute, said the justice, raising his hand. Flaherty, what do you know about this case?
Well, yer Honor, said the policeman, in the confidential tone an officer of the law assumes when he feels that he, and he only, can explain matters, th way ut was was this way: I was walkin me beat up there awn Twilf Strate this mawrnin, like I always does, whin I heard a yellin an a shoutin. So I run into th lot
What lot? asked Justice Murphy.
Twas betwane Olive an Beech Strates, yer Honor. This here deff man, Noah Prutt, lives in a shack-like there, facin awn th strate. Th vacant lot is full iv thim hazel-brushes an what all I dunno.
You said there was a shanty on the lot. How could it be a vacant lot if there was a shanty on it? asked the justice.
Now, yer Honor, said Flaherty, with an ingratiating smile, theres moore than wan lot in th wurrld, aint there? Th lot this Noah Prutt lives awn is wan iv thim. And th nixt wan is another iv thim. An th nixt wan t that is th third iv thim, an th ould Darky owns all iv thim, and iv th three iv thim but wan is vacant, and thats th middle wan. Theres a shanty awn th furrst wan, and theres a shanty awn th thurrd wan, an as I was sayin, theres nawthin awn th vacant wan excipt brush-like, an mebby a few trees, an some tin cans, an whatnot.
Very good! said his honor. Go ahead.
Well, sor, said Flaherty, this Prutt an this wife iv his lives in th furrst shanty, but th other wan is vacant excipt whin t is occupied. Th ould man rints ut now an again, an a dang lonely habitation ut is, set way back frm th strate, like ut is. So here I was, comin along, whin I hear th racket in th vacant lot, an whin I got there amidst th hazel-brush here was this Sally a-hammerin this Silas over th head wid a bed-slat, an him yellin bloody-murdther. So I tuck thim up, th bot iv thim, yer Honor.
And thats all you know of the case? asked the judge.
Excipt what she tould me, said Flaherty.
And what was that? asked Judge Murphy.
Ut was what previnted me from arristin her for assault an batthery, said Flaherty, for if iver a man was assaulted an batthered, this same Silas was. She can wield a bed-slat like a warryor.
Ahd a killed him! Ahd a killed him shore! said Sally.
She wud! said Flaherty, briefly. Thim Naygurs have th harrd heads, but wan more whack an hed iv had a crack in th cranyum. So I wrested th bed-slat from her. Th place looked like thered been a war, yer Honor. Plinty iv thim hazel-brushes shed mowed down wid th bed-slat thryin t murdther him. An whin I heard th sthory, I did not blame her.
I have been waiting patiently to hear it myself, said the justice.
Accordin t th lady, said Flaherty, shes a respictable married woman, yer Honor, bound in th clamps iv wedlock to this Noah Prutt, an niver stheppin t wan side iv th path iv wifely duty or to th other. Tis nawthin t us why a foine-lookin gurrl like her shud marry an ould felly like him. Maybe him havin two houses atthracted her. I dunno. But, annyway, shes had t wash th wolf from th doore.
Had to do what? asked the justice.
Go out doin weeks wash t kape food in th house, explained Flaherty. For th ould man will not wurrk much. Hes got that used t livin awn th rint iv th exthra shanty, ye see. An theres been no rint comin in this long whiles, for th prisoner at th bar has been th tinint iv th shanty, an he ped no rint at all.
Why not? asked the justice.
Well, sor, said Flaherty, rubbing the hair at the back of his neck and grinning,[Pg 342] th lady here says hes been that busy coortin her hes had no time t wurrk. Twas nawthin frm wan ind iv th week till th other but, Will ye elope wid me, darlint? an, Come now, lave th ould man an be me own turtle-dove!
Ah tol him Ah gwine murder him ef he gwine keep up dat-a-way of proceedin! cried Sally, shrilly. Ah tol him! Ah say, Go on away, you wuthless deadbeat Nigger! Wha don you pay yo rent like a man, befo yo come talkin bout supportin a lady? Dass whut Ah tol him, Jedge. An whut he say? He say, Sally gal! Ah gwine nab yo an hab yo. Ah gwine steal yo an lock yo up, an nail yo up, an keep yo! Dass whut he say. An he done hit!
Stole you, and locked you up? asked the judge.
Yassah! cried Sally, glaring at the trembling Silas. He lock me up, an he nail me up, an he try to drown me, ef Ah ain say whut he want me to say. Dat low-down, hypocritical Nigger! Yassah! Ah tole him, Silas, ef yo don go way an leave me alone Ah gwine tek mah hands an Ah gwine yank all de wool right offen yo haid! Dass whut Ah say, Jedge. An Ah say, Ef yo don shet up Ah gwine tear yo eyes out! An Ah means it. Talkin up to me like dat! An den whut he do?
She held out her hand toward the dejected Silas and shook her finger at him.
Den whut he do? He see Ah ain to be coax dat-a-way, cause he a no-count Nigger, an he let on he purtind he get religion an wuk on mah feelins. Yassah! Cause he know Ahs religious mahsilf an he cogitate how he come lak a snake in de grass an cotch me whin Ah ain thinkin no meanness of him. So long come dish yere prophet-man, whut call hisself Obediah, whut get all de Niggers wuk up an a-shoutin over yonder on de ol camp grouns. Ah am tek no stock in dat Obediah prophet-man, Jedge, cause Ah a good Baptis, lak mah husban yonder; but plinty of de black folks dey run to him, an dey hear him perorate an carry on, an dey get sot in dere minds dat dey gwine to hebben las Tuesday night whin de sun set. Yassah, dass whut dey think, cause de prophet-man he pretch dat-a-way. An dis yere Silas he let on he gwine to hebben along wid de rest of de folks.
She let her lip curl scornfully.
Him a-gwine to hebben! she scoffed. But Ah ain but half believe he got religion lak he say. Ah say, Luk out, Sally! Ef he gwine to hebben nex Tuesday let him go; an if he ain gwine, let him alone. But yo look at him, Jedge! Jes look at him! He ain look so dangeroos, is he? An whin he come to me an say, Sally, Ah done got quit of de ol Nick whut was in me, an Ah gwine be lak dat no mo, Ah jes got to believe him. Yassah! He dat pernicious meek an lowly an sorrumful-like dat Ah ain suspict no divilment at all. Ah feel troubled in mah conscience, he say, cause Ah been tryin to lead yo on de wrong paff, an Ah cant go to hebben nex Tuesday les yo forgib me, he say, an he look so downheart an seem lak he so set on gwine to hebben wid de rest ob de folks, dat Ah say, All right, Silas, Ah don hold no hard feelins. Ef yo don bodder me no more, Ah forgib yo whut is pas an done for, but ef yo gwine to hebben yo better clean up yo house an put hit in order, lak de Book say, before yo start, cause ef yo don yo gwine get sint back, shore! So he let on lak dat how he think, too. He purtind to thank me kinely fo dat recommindation, an he ask cud Ah lind him a scrub pail an a mop an a broom, twell he clean up he house. An I so done.
Dass all right! He scrub, an he wash, an he clean, an he move all he furniture out in de lot, an he clean, an he wash, an he scrub! He ain wuk lak dat fo months, Jedge. So den Ah think shore he got religion, lak he let on. So, come Monday, Ah got a job down to Mis Gilberts scrubbin her house, an Ah jes got to hab dat pail an dat mop an dat broom. So Ah tell Noah whut job Ah got, an Ah say, Noah, Ah gwine down to Mis Gilberts house, fo to help clean house, an ef she want me, Ah gwine stay right dah twell de house all clean up. Cause dat a long perambulation down to Mis Gilberts house, Jedge, an ef she ask me to stay a couple o days, Ah gwine save mah breakfas an mah suppah whilst Ah stay down yonder. So Ah go outen de house an Ah walk down de street twell Ah come to de gate whut lead up to Silas house, an Ah walk up de paff, an Ah knock on de do. Nobody say nuffin! Ah knock agin. Nobody say nuffin! Ah open de do gintly, an Ah peek in. Ai[Pg 343]n nobody in de shack at all. So Ah steps in, fo to get mah pail an mah mop an mah broom.
Dab dey set, right by de do, an excipt fo dem, dey ain nuffin in de shack at all but de straw outen Silas hes bed, an dat all scatter aroun lak to dry an air out. Excipt dey one bed-slat whut Ah calculate Silas he keep handy fo to whack at de rats, which am mighty pestiferous about dat shack. So whin Ah seen he done clean up yeverything as neat as a pin, my heart soften unto him. Ah jes gwine feel sorry fo him, de leas little bit. So Ah gwine look in de cupboard to see ef he got plenty to eatan he ain got nuffin in de cupboard but a box of matches, an dat all! So Ah feel right smart sorry I been scold him lak I do, an Ah gwine pick up mah pail an mah mop an mah broom whinbang!de do go shut an Ah all in de dark.
Some one shut the door? asked the justice.
He shet de do! shouted Sally, shrilly, pointing her finger at the trembling Silas. He shet de do, an he lock de do, an he start to nail de do, lak he say he would! Yassah! Ah bang mahsilf aginst de do an Ah yell an shout, an de do dont budge, cause hit locked. An all de whilebam! bam! bam!he nailin de do from de outside. Ah poun wif mah fists an Ah peck up mah pail an slam at de do twell de pail all bus to pieces, an Ah bang mah mop to pieces, butbam! bam! bam!he go on nailin.
She paused for breath, and Silas opened his mouth, as if to speak, but closed it again.
Yassah! she shrilled, glaring at Silas, he nail up de do so Ah cant budge hit, an whin Ah try de windows, dey nailed up too.
Theres two iv thim doors, explained Flaherty, an both iv thim open outward. Hed nailed sthrips acrost thim. Th two windys has wooden shutters, and hed nailed thim fast.
What! exclaimed Justice Murphy. He nailed the woman in?
He did, sor!
Butbut this is outrageous! exclaimed the justice.
All three glared at the dejected Silas, and did not see Noah Prutt as he arose from his chair.
Make him pay, Jedge! Make him pay! cried Noah, eagerly.
Sit ye down! cried Flaherty, in a voice of thunder, and Noah subsided. On the edge of his chair he nodded like a toy mandarin. He understood that things were going badly for Silas, and that was enough to please him. Sally turned to him and shouted in his ear.
Shet up an stay shet! she cried. This is none of yo business, Noah. Ah gwine manage this mahsilf!
The old man smiled and nodded his willingness. As she turned away he touched her on the arm.
Thutty dollahs, he said, and nodded and smiled again.
Thutty nuffins! she muttered. Ah guess yo Honor will know whut Ah ought to get from dat Silas, an whut he ought to get from yo. Cause Ah suffer a heap o distress of min an body whilst Ah been shet up in dat shanty dem three days.
Three days! exclaimed the justice.
Yassah! Ah been nail up in dat shanty three days an three nights, said Sally, an all dat time Ah been pestered an annoyed. Ah been sploshed on mah feet an Ah been hungry an col, an Ah been insulted. Dat Silas he jus hong roun dat shanty to make me mizzable, but Ah ain give in one bit. No, sah! Ahd a-died fus. Fus off Ah bang on de do an Ah bang on de windows, an Ah keep wahm, an whin Ah get col Ah pile some straw in de fireplace an Ah get dem matches an Ah mek me a straw fire. An prisintly Ah hear Silas scramble-scramble on de roof. Whut he up to now? Ah say; He gwine try climb down de chimbly? Ef he do Ah whack him wid de bed-slat twell he mighty sorry he try dat. But he ain try hit. No, sah! Splosh! come a pail of wahtah down de chimbly, an out go mah fire, an mah feet suttinly get sopped. An Silas he say, down de chimbly, lak he voice all clog up wif laughin, Ain gone to hebben yit! Ain gone to hebben yit! an splosh! yere come anudder pail of wahtah.
Why, this is no case for me, said the justice. This man should be bound over to the Grand Jury!
Ah don care whut yo bind him to, so as yo bind him good an strong, said Sally, vindictively.[Pg 344] Yevery time Ah try to get wahm by makin a fire, down come dat pail of wahtah an splosh mah feet, twell Ah think he try to drown me. Ain gone to hebben yit! he shout. Hit right col in dat shanty, Jedge. Hit pernicious col. Dat wahtah freeze on de flo, an hit freeze on mah shoes, an Ah get hungrier an hungrier, an Ah shout an Ah rage, an all he say is, Ain gone to hebben yit! Ain gone to hebben yit! Ah bet he ain! Whin de time come he gwine somewheres ilse!
How did you get out, finally? asked the justice.
Ah keep maulin at de do wif dat bed-slat all de whiles, said Sally. Dat a mahty fine piece of bed-slat, dat is. An prisintly, whin Ah about to drap wid hunger an col an die where Ah drap, Ah beat a hol in de do. Ain gone to hebben yit! he low, an whack at de bed-slat wif a club, but Ah right smart mad, an Ah pry an Ah wuk, an prisintly Ah pry off one board. An when he see Ah gwine win out he scoot. Yassah! He scoot. Ah low he run away cause he afraid, but dass not hit. No, suh! He gwine fotch an ax, fo to nail up dat do agin. So prisintly Ah wuk dat do open an Ah step out, an whut Ah see? Ah see dat Silas a-standin yere in de paff, wid he ax in he hand an he mouf wide open, lak Ah been a ghos. Ain gone to hebben yit, her? Ah say; Well, if yo ain gone yit, yo gwine mighty soon! an I wint fo him wif de bed-slat, an he yell lak blazes whilst Ah gwine murder him. An dat how-come de pleeceman heah him an save he life.
The justice folded his hands, his fingers working nervously, as if they longed to take hold of the throat of the dispirited prisoner.
In all my experience, he said, this is the most outrageous case I have ever met! I am only sorry I am not the proper official to try this case. I hope this man gets the full penalty of the law. I cant express
He shook his head.
Whatever possessed you? he asked the shrinking Silas.
His Honor is speakin t ye! cried Flaherty, poking Silas with his baton. Spake up whin he addrisses ye! Why did ye do ut?
Ah began Silas, in a thin, scared voice.
Sthand up whin ye addriss th coort! said Flaherty, and Silas stood.
As he stood there was nothing about him that suggested the fiery lover. His drooping shoulders and general air of long-permanent shiftlessness almost gave the lie to the idea that he could have taken the trouble to carry a pail of water to a roof. He looked as if to walk at a shambling gait was about the extreme of any exertion of which he was possible.
Ah didn do hit, he said weakly, and sat down again.
Now! now! said Justice Murphy, sharply. None of that!
Sthand up whin his Honor addrisses ye! said Flaherty.
Ah don know nuffin about hit, Jedge, said Silas, in a squeaky voice as he half lifted himself out of the chair. Ahll tell yo all whut Ah know. Ah wint away from mah shanty Monday, cause Ah got to yearn a dollar fo to buy a white robe fo to go to hebben in Tuesday, an Ah chop a cord ob wood an yearn mah dollar an buy mah white robe. An dat night all de prophets folks spind de night on de hilltop, a-waitin fo de dawn ob de great day, an a-prayin an a-singin an a-fastin. An Tuesday Ah spint awn de hilltop like dat, a-prayin an a-singin an a-fastin twell de sun shud set. An whin de sun set nuffin happen. No, sah. Nobody go nowheres, an dey ain no prophet no mo, fo he wint away wid whut he done collicted up endurin de revival. So whin dat come about Ah quite pertickler hungry, an Ah go foth t yearn some money fo to get mah food an to pay whut Ah owe Noah, cause he been pesterin me about he rint. So Ah get some wood to chop, an I chop hit. An bime-by, whin Ah chop all dat wood, Ah guess Ahll go home, an Ah go home. An whin Ah retch mah shanty, Ah see de do bruk, an somebody a-yammerin on hit, an whilst Ah look, out sprong dis Sally Prutt an whack me on de haid wid a bed-slat, an holler, Ain gone to hebben yit! Ain gone to hebben yit! lak she done gwine crazy, an ebbery time she whack she holler, an ebbery time she holler she whack. So I gwine get away from dere quick, an whin Ah run, she run, an she shore gwine murder me, ef dish yere pleeceman am come an stop her.
Just so! said Justice Murphy, sar[Pg 345]castically. And you were not near the shanty at all? And you did not nail this woman in it? And you did not pour water down the chimney?
No, sah, said Silas, in a frightened voice.
Oh, you brack liah! said Sally, angrily.
And I suppose you never said, Aint gone to heaven yet! did you? said the judge. You never heard those words, did you?
Silas looked from side to side, and his lower lip trembled. His back took a more disconsolate droop. There are no words in the English language to describe how utterly downcast and hopeless and woe-saturated he looked. Milton came near it when he said something about Below the lowest depths still lower depths In woe Silas was in depths a couple of stories lower than that.
Well? said the justice, sharply.
Answer his Honor whin he addrisses ye! shouted Flaherty, and Silas moistened his lips and gulped.
No, sah! AhAh ain hear them wuds perzackly, nevah befo. Ah ain heah, Ain gone to hebben. Ah jes heah Ain gwine to hebben.
Oh, you did hear that, did you? said the justice. Who said that?
Silas stared at his boot. He blinked a couple of times, and then spoke.
Ol Noah, he say thim wuds, he said. The judge turned to the old Negro on the chair in the front row, and pointed at him.
That Noah? he asked. Is that the man?
Yassah, said Silas, sadly. Dass de man. He say hit.
Old Noah, seeing that the conversation was veering his way, arose and came forward, his hand behind his ear and expectation in his face.
Thutty dollahs, Jedge! he said eagerly. Dass de right amount. Thutty dollahs.
You go set down! yelled his wife in his ear, but the old man shook his head.
Ain he gwine pay hit? he asked resentfully. Ain de jedge gwine mek him pay hit? Whaffo Ah nail up de shack ef he ain gwine pay hit?
Whut yo palaver about? Nail up de shack! You ain nail up no shack. Dat no-count Silas he nail up de shack, shouted Sally.
The old man nodded his head and grinned.
Yas, dasso! Dasso! Ah nail up de shack, Jedge, he chuckled. Ah nail him in. Yassah, Ah done jes so.
Him? shouted the justice, you mean her?
Yassah, Ah nail him in, said Noah.
You did? shouted the justice.
AhAh beg pawdon, Jedge, said the old man. Ah cawnt heah asas well as Ah used to heah. Ah cawnt hear whisperin tones no moah. AhAh got to beg yo to speak jes a leetle mite louder.
WHY DID YOU NAIL HIM IN THE SHACK? shouted Justice Murphy at the top of his voice.
Why, cause he won pay me de rint, said Noah, as if it was a thing every one should have known. Ain Sally been jes tol yo? Ah surmise she done confabulate about that all de whiles she talkin. Yo mus scuse her, Jedge. Whin de womens staht talkin, nobuddy know whut dey talk about. Dey jes talk fo de exumcise. Mah secon wife, which am de las but one befo Ah tuck Sally
Look here! shouted Justice Murphy. Why did you nail him in the shack?
Zack? said the old man, doubtfully.[Pg 346] No, sah, he name Silas. Dass him yondah. I arsk him fo de rint, an I beg him fo de rint, an I argyfy about dat rint twell Ah jes wohn out, an Ah don git no rint at all. So bime-by erlong come dish yere prophet whut you heah about, maybe. Ah ain tek no stock in dat prophet-man at all! No, sah! Ah s a good Baptis an Ah don truckle to none o dem come-easy, go-easy, folks like dat. Ah stay way from him, an Ah tell Sally she stay way likewise. But dis yere Silas he get de prophet-mans religion bad. Yassah. He low he gwine to hebben las Tuesday whin all de res ob de gang go. Ah reckon he ain gwine go, cause Ah feel dey ain none ob dem gwine go, but Ah cant be shore. Mos anything lible to happen whin times so bad like dey is. So Ah projeck up to Silas an Ah say to him, Ef yo gwine to hebben nex Tuesday, yo bettah pay me de rint befo yo go. Dass whut Ah say, Jedge. Ananan dass reason-able. Cause ef he gwine to hebben Tuesday, Ah ain gwine hab no chance to collict dat rint come Winsday. No, sah.
Then what? shouted the justice.
Nuffin! said Noah. Nuffin at all. He say, Scuse me, Noah, but Ah so full ob preparations fo de great evint Ah ain got time to yearn no money to pay de rint. An Ah say, Silas, Ah want mah rint! So, bime-by, whin Monday mawrnin come erlong, Sally she gwine away to do a job o work, an Ah meyander ober to Silas shack, an Ah got mah hatchit an mah nails, whut Ah gwine mind de fince. An whin Ah come to de shack All hear de squawk ob a board in de flo an Ah know Silas he in de shack, an Ah slam de do an Ah nail up de do an he carrye on scandalous, but he cant git yout. An Ah don care whut he say, cause Ah cant heah ef he cuss or ef he palaver.
Cause Ah ain gwine hab no tinint go to hebben like dat whin he owe me rint twell he pay de rint. So Ah reckon Ah leave him dere twell de gwine is all gone, an Ah ain worried erbout Silas gwine alone by hissef. He ain got de get-up to do nuffin alone by hissef. So Ah leab him dah twell he natchully bus out.
You tried to starve him, shouted the justice. You threw water down the chimney.
Dass jes a pre-caution, Jedge, dass jes a pre-caution, said the old Negro. Ah got mah doubts erbout dat ol Obediah prophet-man whut come from nowhares. Whin Ah see de smoke a-risin from de chimbly, Ah speculate ef et hebben whar de prophet-man gwine tek they-all, or ef he gwine tek dem ilsewhars, an Ah cogitate how maybe Silas gwine escape in de flame ob de fiah. Dey yaint nuffin like good ol Baptis water fo to fight debbils fiah, so Ah fotch a couple o pail ob wahtah, an Ah po hit down de chimbly, an Ah say, Yo ain gwine to hebben yit! Yo ain gwine to hebben yit! Yassah. An he ain!
He chuckled with glee, but at the same moment he caught a glimpse of Sallys face, and his grin gave way to a look of blank surprise. Slowly and carefully Sally was rolling up her sleeves, and her eyes glittered menacingly. Flaherty tapped her on the shoulder.
None iv that here! he said sternly.
The justice looked from one to the other of the parties before him, closed an impressive-looking law book with a bang, and stood up, feeling for his tobacco-pipe in his hip pocket.
Flaherty, he said slowly, this is not a case for this court. It seems in the nature of a domestic misunderstanding. Under ordinary circumstances, he added, pressing tobacco into the pipe with his thumb, I should undertake to explain to all parties just what happened and how it happened and why it happened but he looked at old Noah and shook his headthere is nothing in the statutes of the State of Iowa compelling a justice of the peace of the County of Riverbank, City of Riverbank and Township of Riverbank, to shout that loud and that long. Case dismissed!
Flaherty herded the three parties out of the room and the justice lighted his pipe.
Whaffo Ah ain git mah thutty dollahs? he heard Uncle Noah ask in the hall. Wha we gwine?
Ah tell yo wha yo ain gwine! he heard Sally shout. You ain gwine to hebben yit! But yo gwine to wish yo was gwine fo Ah git froo wif yo!
Flaherty, said his Honor, tilting back comfortably and blowing a cloud of blue smoke toward the ceiling, go out and warn that woman to keep the peace.
I will, said Flaherty, but can ye ixpict ut iv her, Murphy?